Each of us is constantly communicating during our wakeful hours whether we realize it or not; even our silence can be a form of communication, regardless of whether we’ve deliberately chosen to be incommunicado or it is being forced upon us. Most of us are also aware that our subconscious expresses itself in a myriad of ways, and as I have written here repeatedly, even when we appear to be fully awake in terms of the upright position of our body and our eyes open and blinking we can be completely unconscious in terms of the impact we have upon others via our thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors.

Communicating humanity in all of our interactions with others regardless of any challenging dynamics that may exist between parties is an art – one that is energetically akin to dance or poetry that is imbued with grace and attention to the slightest detail. Those who consciously choose to practice this art do so with both dedication and compassion for their own human-ness as well as that of others, knowing that none of us is perfect. At the same time, vigilant yet non-obsessive practice results in an ever-increasing refinement of our expression, hopefully along with increased empathy for the challenges everyone faces in a world populated with human beings who will misinterpret our communications due to their own filters of emotion, prejudice, projections, gender, socio-economic status, religious and political beliefs, fears and past wounds. It is an exercise in futility to attempt to make everyone understand us in the way we intend to be heard, but it is definitely possible to become as mindful as possible regarding the many ways we communicate with others so that misinterpretations can be drastically reduced. In tandem, it is imperative to also learn how to interpret the messages being sent to us as accurately as possible. Mindfulness-based communication education is profoundly valuable to help actualize that conscious intention.

Purposefully and artfully applied mindfulness, known scientifically as (positively-focused) neuroplasticity, actually rewires the brain’s functional and physical structures. We can absolutely change our physical brains regardless of our chronological age and create new, more refined and sensitive neural pathways by deliberately re-minding ourselves in a productive manner and being fully present in every situation we find ourselves engaged in, thereby not becoming vulnerable to destructive and self defeating behavior modeling and slipping into old, unconscious, ingrained, negatively reactive mental patterns. Although it may appear difficult at first to create these more beneficial (to both self and others) mental grooves and let go of the old dysfunctional ones (that produce what I call “dys-funky” energy), I promise that once you begin to do so, your interactions with others will be much more fun and rewarding. When we lead by mindful, humane example, the world around us changes in a good way, and that is quantum physics in tangible form.

Becoming more conscious regarding the impact we have upon others, and choosing to proactively upgrade our own operating system and hardwire sustainable changes internally is the foundation of all I teach. It is my greatest passion in life to help others with this particular aspect of their inner and outer evolutionary process, and this column is one of the main vehicles to be of service in that manner. This month I will focus on two aspects of our interactions with others that we can pay deliberate attention to in order to help acquire a broader scope of mindful, humane communication.

Mindful Tone of Voice
One of the characteristics of mindful verbal communication that I place considerable emphasis upon is the effect the tone of our voice has upon others, as it flavors our words in a very powerful way, and affects the receiver’s brain circuitry, activating changes in their hormone levels, neurotransmitters and the autonomic nervous system. Everything is energy of one type or another, and even those who don’t speak the same language we do are able to feel the influence of the emotional energy that frames the words being used. Even animals are sensitive and respond to the tone of a human’s voice and the energy behind it even though their own brains are incapable of understanding most of the verbiage. The energy that reflects how our voice comes across to others can be positively influenced in several ways, the physical mechanics being probably the easiest to consciously refine, whether we are face-to-face with someone or conversing over the telephone.

Here are a few things to give focused attention to:
• Record your voice and/or ask for – and be open to - constructive feedback from others. Do you come off as overly defensive, whiny, screechy, too aggressive, condescending, boringly monotone, wimpy or fake, possibly without even realizing it? Often people are unaware of the effect their tone of voice has upon others, and how even a slight modification can radically shift reactions from defensive to receptive. Recording your voice can give you helpful insights as to how you sound to others, and asking people whose opinion you value to honestly express how your tone of voice how comes across in a variety of situations can be extremely enlightening.

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